meg_tdj | Supernatural 4x21 - When the Levee Breaks

You guys have no idea how much I adore this episode. It's second only to BUABS in my affections, and only by a narrow margin. Which is saying something. We were in DESPERATE need of a "let's look inside Sam's head" episode at this point in the season, and I couldn't have asked for a better one than this.

Okay, so they stick this guy in a teeny tiny room with a bright, spinning light overhead, giving him only a table, bed, some water, magazines, and a pee bucket for company. It's no wonder the dude went nuts. Did they at least feed him every now and then? :P

Looking at the hallucinations one by one...

Alastair - How did Sam know what Al's table looked like? Described by Ruby maybe? I doubt Dean would have talked about it. Sometimes I wonder, though, if some of these hallucinations were GIVEN to him. Cas was being sneaky at this point, after all.

Teen!Sam - The poor kid WOULD demand an explanation from his adult self. I thought it was pretty telling that Sam told him to grow up, while the expression on his face showed that deep down he still felt like his 14-year-old self did. And the kid had a point. I'm sure neither Jess nor Mary would appreciate being used as an excuse. The yellow eyes thing was awesome. We'd seen that hallucination from Dean before, but not from Sam. They shared a common fear. "How can you run from what's inside you?" Poor Sam!

Mary - After hallucination!Al just causing pain, and hallucination!Sam raking Sam over the coals for what he'd let himself become, then comes hallucination!Mary, who tells him he's doing the right thing, he's being a true hunter, he's stronger than Dean, he needs to break out and do what needs to be done without letting anyone stand in his way. See, this is when I start to think his hallucinations are being tampered with, because even Sam was surprised that she was talking that way.

Dean - Notice his majorly popped collar? I don't know why, but that always amuses me, heh. So this hallucination was just plain nasty. Sam is so afraid of being hated and shunned for being a freak, and here he was faced with it, or at least thought he was. "God picked me, man." Even God had shunned him! I think hallucination!Dean was speaking direct quotes from Sam's subconscious when he listed the reasons why Sam drinks the blood - makes him feel strong and invincible, a big bad wolf in a world of little pigs. You can see that on his face when he drinks the blood and uses his powers, though as soon as the moment's gone it's like he forgets or pushes it back. And I love the line that he's always felt different, not because of his weirdo family but because he's always been a monster, and he only feels right when he's sucking down more poison and more evil. First of all, the delivery was AMAZING, and second of all, OUCH. Because it's probably 100% true. And coming from Dean, followed by telling him he's only been pretending to care about him this whole time, that Sam means nothing to him, they're not even of the same species, let alone brothers... dangit, Sam thought it was REAL!!! "Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me." Oh, Sam! :(

I always wonder whether the lines of poison he saw all over his face and hands were hallucinated or real. And that seizure was the coolest seizure EVER.

Meanwhile, upstairs with Dean and Bobby...

RUFUS!!! Love any mention we get of that guy, and Bobby telling him to suck dirt and die was hilarious, haha!

I find it interesting that Bobby wanted to let Sam out and kill Lilith. Makes me wonder just how far gone Dean was in 5x01 when he didn't clue in that Bobby wasn't Bobby when he supposedly disowned Sam for "not listening" to them. Bobby was the one fighting AGAINST keeping Sam in the panic room. Sam didn't know that, but Dean did.

Dean screaming himself hoarse for Cas, and Cas turning up acting all disinterested... gah! *shakes Cas* I'm still a teensy bit mad at him for opening the panic room door, you know. I really wanted Sam to find out about that. Did Dean even find out about that? I don't think he did. I really wanted them to, and to have it out with him over it.

Dean pledging allegiance to the angels... wasn't that technically a yes? I guess he took it back later, but still.

Bobby: And if he dies?
Dean: Then at least he dies human!!

That exchange has been in my mind all through this rewatch, and you know... that's been Dean's philosophy all along. Have I mentioned the incredible characterization on this show? Because it's incredible. Dean would rather die than become a monster, and he would want the same for Sam. As much as he loves his little bro, and as much as he could never outright kill him himself, Dean would rather see him die a human than live a monster.

As soon as he said that, it's like everything he's said or done regarding Sam since bringing him back to life started to make complete sense. Since 2x22 he's been worried about Sam not being 100% Sam, but he CANNOT KILL HIM, no matter what he promised John or even Sam himself. So he's had to just stand back and let him go darkside bit by bit, drinking himself into oblivion so he didn't have to see it. Now he can see that there's just one tiny piece of his brother left alive, and he's trying to cling to that and kill off all the evil that's taken him over. If it works, then yay, he'll have his kid brother back. If it doesn't, then at least Sam will die before that one last glimmer of SAM peters out.

Meanwhile, Castiel turns Anna over to the angel authorities. I really wish we'd gotten more of a fallout over that between the two of them. They had HISTORY!! WHAT WAS IT??? Gah.

Sam escaping the panic room. *smacks Cas* Apparently it was Jared's idea to raise Bobby's gun to his heart, which was hands-down the best part of that scene, so yay Jared. Man, that scene HURT. Knocking Bobby out and leaving him lying there was just SO WRONG.

I love that Dean knew how Sam would cover his tracks while trying to cover that he was covering his tracks, LOL. That was kind of hilarious in the middle of all the gut-wrenching angst.

Okay, so the Sam/Ruby scene... I can't even begin to tell you how much I love it. I mean, right when she walks in and takes off her jacket and starts flashing her bare arms everywhere... watch Sam's face. He looks at her arm like "dinnerrrrrrrr..." I love it, LOL. She totally reached out to stroke his hair just to drive him nuts and send him into attack mode. And then HE teases HER before taking his drink. It's so messed up!

And demon pillow talk. What can I say? Those two were just so uncomfortably comfortable with each other. :P

I have to reiterate - this is the second of four episodes where Sam wears those exact same clothes. I know he took a shower, but he'd been awfully sweaty through the entire episode, and I don't see how he could have had those clothes laundered in the time they were in that hotel. He slept in the t-shirt, for goodness' sake! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! :P

*ahem* But back to the angst...

"I just hope, you know, when all this is over... I hope we can fix things." Gah! I hope so, too!

The final scene was just... incredible. It all came down to this. I mean, right from the PILOT. They were taking out their anger and frustration on each other at long last - Sam over being bossed around his whole life, and Dean over Sam going behind his back and sliding down the road he'd begged him not to. Dean saying Sam's a monster just broke everything. EVERYTHING. Did they ever really recover from that?? Sam trying to strangle Dean did a heck of a lot of damage, and Dean saying if he walked out he could never come back stung quite a bit, but I honestly think it was "It means you're a monster" that rang the death knell on their brotherhood for the next year. Their bond was never the same, even after Sam begged forgiveness and Dean agreed to make their playing field more even. That moment hung in the air between them almost constantly.

Clippage - The final scene. Possibly the most important turning-point scene in the entire series.

Quotes -

Sam: I'm not some junkie!
Dean: Really. I guess I've just imagined how strung out you've been lately.
Sam: *laughs* You're actually trying to twist this into some kind of ridiculous drug intervention?
Dean: If it smells like a duck.

Sam: Stop! Alastair, please! Please!
Alastair: So polite all of a sudden. Very nice. I appreciate that.

Dean: How long is this gonna go on?
Bobby: Here, let me look it up in my demon detox manual. Oh, wait. No one ever wrote one.

Bobby: *answers phone* Hello? *pause* Suck dirt and die, Rufus. You call me again, I'll kill you.

Teen!Sam: The answer's yes. You're hallucinating. That's right. It's me. Or I mean it's... you.
Sam: I'm losing my mind.
Teen!Sam: Definitely.

Sam: I'm sorry. I am. But life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would when you were 14 years old. We were never gonna be normal, we were never gonna get away. Grow up.

Bobby: The apocalypse being nigh and all... is now really the right time to be having this little domestic drama of ours?

Mary: Poor baby.
Sam: Mom.
Mary: Sam. You look just awful.

Sam: You're disappointed. You never thought I'd turn out this way. I'm a piss-poor excuse for a son. Your heart is broken. Am I close?
Mary: Not at all. You're doing the right thing, Sam. What you're doing is brave. You're not being crazy, you're being practical. Sam, I am so proud of you.

Mary: Yes, our family is cursed. But you... you have the power to turn it into a gift. You can use it against them.
Sam: For revenge?
Mary: No, for justice.

Sam: What's in me, Mom... it's...
Mary: Evil. And you know it.

Dean: Cut the crap, you were gonna tell me something.
Castiel: Nothing of import.
Dean: You got ass-reamed in Heaven, but it was not of import?

Castiel: Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.

Dean: If I do this... Sammy doesn't have to?
Castiel: If it gives you comfort to see it that way.
Dean: God, you're a dick these days.

Bobby: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch?
Dean: *glares*
Bobby: I'm sorry. You prefer sucker?

Dean: I mean, they come on like shady politicians from planet Vulcan!

Not!Dean: I know why you really drink that blood, Sam.
Sam: Just leave me alone.
Not!Dean: Makes you feel strong, invincible, a big bad wolf in a world of little pigs.
Sam: No. You're wrong, Dean.
Not!Dean: It's more than that, isn't it? It's because your whole life, you felt different. Am I right?
Sam: Stop.
Not!Dean: Oh, I hit a little close to home, huh? Not different because you were some lonely kid, or because of your weirdo family...
Sam: Stop it.
Not!Dean: *leans over him* Because you're a monster.
Sam: Shut up! Just... shut the hell up!
Not!Dean: You were ALWAYS a monster. And you only feel right when you're suckin' down more poison, and more EVIL.

Not!Dean: Monster, Sam. You're a monster.
Sam: Dean, no...
Not!Dean: And I tried so hard to pretend that we were brothers. That you weren't one of the filthy things that we hunt. But we're not even the same species. You're nothing to me.
Sam: Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me.

Bobby: Uh-uh, Sam. The only place you're going is back inside with me.
Sam: No.
Bobby: Dammit, boy.
Sam: You won't shoot me, Bobby.
Bobby: Don't test me.
Sam: You won't do it. *walks up to gun* You can't do it.
Bobby: We're tryin' to help you, Sam.
Sam: *raises gun to his heart* Then shoot.

Bobby: How he got gone ain't as important as where he got gone to.
Dean: Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing, at this point, I hope he's with Ruby.
Bobby: Why?
Dean: Cause killing her's the next big item on my to-do list.
Bobby: I thought you were on call for angel duty.
Dean: I am on call. In my car, on my way to murder the bitch.

Ruby: Honeymoon suite, really? I'm flattered.

Ruby: I've been pretty deep in it trying to dig out Lilith. Sometimes I can't sit around and check my voicemail.

Dean: Any other cars stolen in Jamestown?
Bobby: Two. 1999 Honda Civic, blue. Nice and anonymous, like Sam likes.
Dean: What was the other one?
Bobby: White '05 Escalade with custom rims. It's a neon sign.
Dean: You're right, he'd never take that. Which is exactly what he did.
Bobby: Ya think?
Dean: I know that kid.

Ruby: Your appetite's gotten much bigger.
Sam: What's that supposed to mean?
Ruby: Sam, relax. It's okay. It's good. It just means you're getting stronger, that's all. It means you're strong enough to kill Lilith.

Sam: That was Lilith?
Ruby: She's way older than she looks.

Sam: Chef? Seriously? What does she eat?
Ruby: You don't wanna know.

Dean: Well, that must have been some party you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it.